Friday, December 12, 2014

DETOXED: Bar Crawl Will Be Good Neighbor, Promoter Says

Image: Chive On Chicago
The twelve-hour-long Twelve Bars of Christmas (TBOX) bar crawl hits Wrigleyville at 8AM Saturday morning.

TBOX has quickly risen to third place on our neighborhood's list of epic shit shows, right behind the Pride Parade and St. Patrick's Day.

After spiraling out of control in 2012, TBOX was tamed in 2013 by cold weather and snowfall. CWB recorded "only" eleven arrests at TBOX last year.

Lots of changes have been announced for tomorrow's event, including the hiring of many, many extra security agents at the insistence of 19th district police Commander Elias Voulgaris.

Also new this year are the establishment of first aid stations; posting of private ambulances; and the placement of public portable toilets.

Private ambulances, first aid stations, and port-a-potties. Sounds like a great time.

The police department is not handing over the reins to TBOX's staff entirely. Yesterday afternoon, 19th district officers were offered the opportunity to pick up a time-and-a-half shift on Saturday. Start time? 3PM.
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  1. I'm going to stay away from Wrigleyville Saturday. No f-in' way do I want to be part of that idiocy.

  2. With the weather warming into the 50s and near 60 on Saturday, expect massively hideous reports of the shit-storm that is going to occur in the neighboehood. There will be at least five "bros" with backward baseball caps who let their testosterone get out of hand and try to intimidate (unsuccessfully) a refrigerator-sized security guy along Clark, and there will be scads of giggling twittering bitching fat girls creating havoc as well.

    1. I believe the correct terminology is "Chads" and "Trixies".

    2. Chads and Trixies live in Lincoln Park and wouldn't be seen dead at TBOX. TBOX, as you'll see from the arrest reports, is all about kids from the western burbs RAGING in the city.

  3. Nothing celebrates the birth of Christ more than getting bombed on Clark Street dressed up as a naughty elf....

    Yet, I digress...our local criminal population will feed off of these 20-something drunks like sharks on a school of dazed squid.

  4. I think the organizers should distribute barf bags to all their participants.

    2 years ago, I saw a guy passed out on the corner of Clark/Halsted. At 1:00p in the afternoon.

  5. Time and a half to deal with this?? You would have to be out of your mind to accept this assignment!!

  6. In future news... A lot of tipped over porta potties seen on clark street... Guys with blue stinky hands seen running around high giving each other calling each other brah and homie...

  7. The criminals will be having a field day, preying on all these young, drunk kids. I'm hoping the drunks stay on Clark and out of my neighborhood pub.

  8. Two years ago (warmer than last year) I walked out my front door at 10am and there was a guy with his pecker out just peeing in the wind in the middle of parkway - no tree, no bush - he was so bombed he didn't know where he was. This year I will be videoing the debauchery. I am the nut who wants to vote my precinct dry. I know a lot of people think this is impossible. 765 registered voters in my precinct, mostly condo owners - stranger things have happened. Oh, and update on Atlas Johnson, the Blue Line thug who posted a Facebook video of his bros terrorizing an old man, the video is back up on his page, it's now 3:30pm 12/12/2014. Just in case you haven't seen it: