Sunday, July 13, 2014

LIGHTER SIDE: Vivid Descriptions

Descriptions of criminal suspects can be so boring sometimes. Thank goodness we have people like these to keep it interesting:

Best Suspect Description Of The Week (Candidate #1)

Wanted for the theft of a white Toyota RAV 4 at 4:38PM Thursday in the 1100 block of Fullerton: A black man in his 20's, 6'1" tall, very skinny, wearing a purple shower cap, pink lipstick, peach-colored pants, and a brown handbag.

Best Suspect Description Of The Week (Candidate #2)

Wednesday, 6:04AM — In the 4200 block of Kenmore, a white man who was involved in a fight earlier has returned and won't stop ringing the doorbell. He has black hair. He's bleeding from the head. He's wearing Bart Simpson underwear.

…Update, 6:06AM — Now he's naked, lying on the hood of a car, still bleeding from the head, and he's masturbating.

First World Problems

Saturday, 2:41AM - Jacob just walked into his apartment in the 3300 block of Clark. He needs the police because he says he found a naked girl in his bed. He doesn't know her and she won't leave.
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  1. Ahhhh, the old unknown, naked chick in the bed.....

  2. "Dear diary. Jackpot." - Jacob.

    1. Somehow I get the distinct impression that Jacob was not the least bit interested! (The name "Boystown" is in the blog name, right?)

      Where was this woman when I lived in Wrigleyville?