Tuesday, December 31, 2013

LAST LAUGHS: 2013's Weird Ones

We established CWB in April to inform our neighbors, hold officials and institutions responsible, and, hopefully, generate changes that will help make our neighborhood as safe as it was just a few years ago. We’ll be pushing ahead with that mission in 2014.

That being said…     We’ve heard some crazy arse stuff ‘round here!

Ich bin ein up the butt!
Our favorite bizarro moment came in late July when Alderman Tom Tunney took to the City Council floor to speak about proposed renovations to Wrigley Field. 

In a free-flowing rant, Tunney suddenly promised to be “up the butt every day.”
You have to be a good neighbor. Otherwise, I'm gonna be up your butt every day. And I’m gonna tell ya, I’m gonna be up the butt everyday to make sure that the commitments that  Ricketts make and that the commitments that the mayor makes are actually solidified by your support as colleagues!
The cherished audio of Tunney’s  speech is still available online at WLS. Within days, Tunney’s promise went national on Jimmy Kimmel’s show.

One September morning, 911 callers report “a man wearing only a loin cloth, a necklace, and carrying a giant spear” near Diversey and Sheridan. And they were right. An officer soon confirms, "I ask questions. He doesn't respond. He just looks at me and shakes his stick…He looks like something out of that movie, Shaka Zulu."

Wednesday, November 6, 3:22PM—The Transportation Security Administration asks 19th district police to check on the well-being of an employee. TSA says that the employee "hasn't been to work in three weeks" and they're "getting concerned."

After months and months of police claims that the typical robbery victim is someone “playing with their phone” “not paying attention” and/or “listening to their iPod,” a new sketch of the since-tabled OUT hotel project was released.  It clearly shows a woman walking on Halsted Street playing with her phone with her ear buds in.

"Can I get an ambulance for this guy? I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with him. He's got pickles coming out of his nose."

June 24, 4:06AM: A woman calls 911 from the 500 block of W. Wellington to report that she lives alone and she just discovered a box of condoms under her pillow. 

Early on the morning of August 13, directly underneath one of the city’s completely worthless police cameras, unknown offenders attacked and killed the giant Kraft Macaroni And Cheese sculpture at Clark and Addison. The pasta killers are never found.

Let's Get Physical — Best Descriptions of 2013
Uptown Girl: DISPATCHER: Okay. Now we've got an intoxicated woman arguing with the alderman at 4400 North Sheridan. She's a female, black, she's . . . uh. . . okay. . . she's missing an eye. . . uh, missing an eye. . . uh. . . she has a red hat on backwards and she's walking toward the Jewel with a fifth of vodka in her pants. Uh. . . okay. . . now it says she is a man dressed as a woman. Man dressed as a woman, uh, blue shirt, gray jeans and, uh…and the vodka is between her legs inside her pants. One eye.

First Runner Up: Male, black, dressed as a woman. 40 years old, very thin, wearing a women's three-quarter length beige faux fur, skin tight blue jeans, long brown hair, a skull cap, lots of stubble, and carrying a tan purse. Also, he has the guard's handcuffs attached to his left wrist.

Second Runner Up: 19th district officers are sent to check the well-being of a woman in the 4400 block of North Campbell. The woman is described as a wearing a pink bonnet, blue t-shirt, red shorts, and she is reportedly trying to throw herself down a sewer.


  1. saw about 5 squad cars at IHOP around 1230 today, looked like they had at least 4 people in cuffs. I'm guessing it wasn't a food fight?

    1. Detectives stopped a car with a lot of occupants. Most were released within a couple of hours.

  2. Well deserved mention for CWB .. and this blog is an absolute gamechanger.

    BLESS YOU ALL, THANK YOU for ALL you do to uncover the lies and the govt/police bureaucracy shellgame spin. I pray 2014 brings the vital attention and improvements we so desperately need. Your reporting has and WILL definitely make the difference that counts .. along with folks getting involved with their calls, emails, votes and maybe their feet. We get the govt/police we accept.

    ~ ~ ~ ~

    Beyond plans for some new developments, neighbors — and a precocious new blog — started poking police and local officials with another wave of safety concerns.


    2. New Crime Blog Starts Covering Lakeview Crimes: Lakeview residents have been raising crime concerns during the summer for a while now, but the anonymous Crime in Wrigleyville and Boystown blog that started in April was a game-changer in how residents talked about crime. All of a sudden, crime details — accompanied by a heavy dose of attitude — were available 24-7. Residents emailed local officials, started petitions and showed up in droves at community police meetings, quoting the blog. It's not always fair, and it gets details wrong now and then, but at least one thing's for sure: It's created quite a stir this year.

    Also interesting:

    5. Southport Could Soon Look More Like Gold Coast: The popular Southport commercial corridor is seeing its share of changes this year. Real estate company L3 Capital upped its Southport portfolio to seven buildings, making it a major driver for the street. That means more international high-end clothing retailers that will complement Gold Coast's Oak Street. The purchase displaced local favorites Candyality and Anthony's Italian Ice, both of which moved farther north on the street, but other mom-and-pops couldn't handle how upscale Southport is becoming. Frida's Mexican, Safari Cup, Bad Ass Coffee and Bell Studio, to name a few, all left this year.


    ~ ~ ~ ~

    Don't agree at all with the "not always fair" tag .. you're MORE than fair and reasoned, and your attention to accuracy .. correcting yourself when needed ... and detail are miles above most so-called news outlets in my book!.

    Thank you again! HAPPY, SAFE 2014!

    1. Thank you, Anonymous, for your kind comments.

      We get the govt/police we accept. Amen. Every person who has the oft-stated idea that their alderman can't do anything because he is "just" an alderman needs to raise the bar. What other legally-mandated part time employee who is paid $100K+ would be allowed to slide with performance like this?

      Expect more, demand more, get more.

      Happy New Year!

  3. If you want a laugh check out everyone's favorite ginger haired neighborhood menace and his new prison pic.


    Type in his name Ryan Brandis.

    1. He is looking none too happy. He had many (way TOO many) chances to reset the course of his ship.

      We noticed that his expected parole date is now up: May 10, 2015. A little more time than many expected.