Saturday would not be Saturday without ordinarily normal citizens getting liquored up and beaten down. Among the incidents that will have people creating "explanations" for injuries and absences that their co-workers are certain to ask about on Monday:
• Patrolling officers wandered into a battery in progress outside of Dimo's Pizza, 3463 N. Clark Street at 2:47 AM. A large volume of officers responded. One male and one female were arrested, charged with battery, and given the opportunity to sober up at Belmont and Western. Chicago Police Department case #HW270741
• A male victim called police after a female smashed a glass in his face at Minibar. The woman sauntered off before police arrived. But, considering this was a Minibar patron, she was probably in the right.
…and, finally, while some tragic folks take their own lives with dramatic leaps from bridges and skyscrapers, a resident on Cornelia Avenue between Halsted and Broadway threatened to kill himself this morning by taking pills and jumping from the second floor. Ambulance 6 took him to Illinois Masonic Hospital for a little evaluation and a physics lesson at 2:20AM.